It's Been A Long Time

It's been a really stupid long time. Hah, so wow a ton of crap has happened during this time of absence and I wish I could say it's all dealt with and over. But sadly I'm pretty sure this is still just the very beginning. So what all happened? Well the laptop I had fell into two, I finally got a new one. And I was attacked by a dog.

That is my finger after it was cut open to clean out the infection and then was stitched back together. This was the day I was able to get the stitches out. Yeah that dog bit was only a little bite that got severely infected, even though I scrubbed it with soap and dumped hydrogen peroxide on it. And even better having to figure out how to pay the over 300k medical bills. Which are still getting bigger because of therapy. Oh and if you are wondering why I don't have medicade I tried for it but got no response back on it so yeah.
Anyways I've just had a really REALLY rough go to this year of 2015. And to be honest I'm so done, I'm tired, I'm stressed, and I'm still at risk with the infection being in my blood stream. So yeah when people see me as strong I get sad. Automatically I just feel like I can't be weak or fall apart I feel as if I have to be this superwoman or something.
Yeah I idealize Batman but for very specific reasons, since people see him as strength he keeps it. Not because he truly has this incredible strength but because others look to him to find strength. I'm ok with being that but just as how Batman has Catwoman to comfort him I wish for the same. I wish I had a Batman to comfort me.
I don't have a fully functioning finger it's stiff and numb and tingles from time to time. I have so much stress that even the smallest thing is causing me some irritation and sorrow. It's ridiculous I know but I just want to be held in someones arms and just let them stroke my hair for a while. Maybe while watching Big Hero 6 or How To Train Your Dragon 2. 
We are all weak so just making someone strong and not needing love, and comfort is just well not cool. I get though that I am not attractive to guys because I'm a very independent, strong willed, and stubborn woman. I know what I want and I do not bend on it in anyway. It of course drives guys nuts when I'm laughing loud, have a short hair cut, and don't let myself to be degraded or my friends for that matter too it scares them.
Started realizing I need a REAL man who actually can handle the type of woman that I am. Fiery and much like Tris or Katniss or Hermione. But I guess it's why I stay strong and I build up more of a wall to keep myself from feeling too much.
I guess in the end I just want to say I am back and I have alot to write about so if you read this and want to stick around cool. See ya next time.
KEEP BELIEVING!!!!!!!!!!