L(love) I(in) F(fullness) E(everyday)

"Mom, Dad?"
Those were the two words I uttered when I had tried to move after the car crash. My legs were broken and my whole body was covered in glass and metal. I watched my father trying to help despite half of his head being caved in. My sister was still in a panic and my Uncle had a damaged face.
Blood was on the car and things were suddenly so real and terrifying. I was only ten years old. I never stop to think my circumstances were extreme, but when I look at this incident and then what followed next in my life, I almost feel like I'm in a book of some kind. 
I've been struggling recently because I'm 27 years old and I thought my life would be set, but instead I'm facing many more new challenges. And the funny thing there is no one who can understand. I sound so whiney but you know for once I want to whine. I want to cry over this life I've had. I want to go back to that night when I woke up to my body being in severe pain and not having it happen.
I wish things had gone differently, I wish that things hadn't have happened. But yet they did and they made me into the woman that I am. A tough brutal woman who doesn't take crap.
But as soon as I feel just a little weak and just want a friend to listen to me it's like this change. And it seems none of the people I know get that even I am still fragile. I've grown tired of being the strong woman who never has a bad day.
I have moments where I just want to scream or shoot something. I have days where I need a freaking punching bag to help. I have days where I just want a husband who can love me until I'm better.
But those days are just me alone, suffering quitely and not letting others know. Especially since I don't have any mental illnesses that are permament but many of my friends do. You see meeting with my therapist she has told me that I am unusual with how I handle my pain.
But I'm not that unusual I just had an amazing dog who was my friend and everything. Rover was my reason to keep living everyday, he was also my reason to stay strong no matter how many times I was beaten by my bullies. If I didn't have my dog I already know I would've killed myself a long time ago.
But now I'm faced with more difficulties and no dog to comfort me in sight. I try relying on humans, but they don't understand. You see being the strong one my whole life has made me angry. I just want to be weak for once and have some let me cry in their arms.
I always feel torn apart and I just grit my teeth smile and keep walking. I do have Danish blood so maybe the story of the Little Mermaid is based on real women who just bared through the pain. I do have things to be grateful for. I have money, I have a Xbox and HDTV, I have a healthy and happy cat, I don't have asthma (despite what my doctor thought), I can buy Japanese food and snacks that I love, I can listen to music that I love, and I can take amazing pictures with my camera.
I still look for the good and try to serve where I can, but I also have started to remind myself that I'm not Wonder Woman. I'm strong sure, but I also need someone to support me. But I haven't found that someone yet, so instead I'll just keep my teeth grit and smile for the sake of my friends.
I'll no longer let others see me weak. Especially since I am sick of being told that I'm just whining. People don't seem able to understand that I can't just bare everything given to me. I've stopped friends from committing suicide, I've taken the assaults to keep friends safe, I've seen more then most in a lifetime. I'm good on never seeing it again, but that doesn't seem to be the case.
You fight! You stand strong and you keep stepping forward carrying your fallen comrades. You stay strong despite the pain, and while no one will ever understand I do and my life will always be a hidden struggle and I have no idea how I'm gonna face this alone but I will.
I've got to change the way things are for now and just do what I can to heal.
KEEP BELIEVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!