Not romantic especially right now. I appreciate what he said but if you knew why he was saying that you'd also cringe. He's a nice guy, but he has a lot of things to work on. Sadly before this I was only his well masturbation fuel, and yes he would tell me that in many messages.
So you can see why I've cringed at the message he sent. My response was light and quick to tell him no. "Um, Thanks. That's nice of you to say but I'm not looking for a relationship right now. Too much going on to even think of that." And just like that I felt comfortable and happy.
It's nice to hear a guy call my mysterious or alluring, but I don't want a man in my life right now. At least not one I've known before. I want a brand new man to want to get to know me. And to learn he won't get every detail of my past when he wants to know more about me. Huh, it's probably why I'm always playing Mass Effect just to have my Turian say silly and cute things. Oh Garrus. Oh right blog.
But why is it that most guys who talk like that are also the ones who messaged me before with either saying I'm good to masturbate to, or a picture of those nether parts I don't care about. It seriously frustrates me when most guys see me as that. I get sexua; arousal and thoughts when interested in someone, but when did it become I tell you outright I only see you good for sex?
I'm starting to think I should really go to NASA and tell them I'm more then happy to leave earth for Mars. Maybe leaving will help to really find myself. Anyways I've been throwing away things that have been part of my past. I want to toss my yearbooks but those cost a lot so ugh. But I realized all my friends from my past don't talk to me anymore. And how freeing that was.
Playing the big sister for many of them was not how I wanted things to continue. But my future is the same as well just with new people. But I'm glad that I'm finally letting my past go, all the judgement, hate, and physical/emotional trauma it is being let go. I can smile not just because people need me to smile but because I am genuinely happy and FREE!
Today when that message was recieved I learned everything from my past was no longer with me. I learned of my worth and I know someone new and amazing will come into my life and we'll dance to a tone of our own music. New friends will remain, but old ones will be greeted with courtesy let go but not forgotten.
For once I can say I'm truly free and seeing so much more. So thank you to the men who've used me, I've seen my worth and beauty and I'm never letting this feeling go. I hope things change but I am truly grateful.
KEEP BELIEVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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