One of the most frustrating things about this life is what others say to you. We also say words don't have power unless you give them, but whether you give the words power or not doesn't mean they don't ruin lives. I think back to the guy who treated me like I was worthless.
I met his brother and the first thing that happened was my heart went into panic mode. This was his brother not him, but the smell of cologne was the same and his face was the same. All my mind and body did was scream run!
Recently I learned that I always kept how I felt locked up and hidden away. That normally I may give the reflection of what I think the other wants but never what I want. I've always ignored my feelings, and maybe because of that I missed out on having a husband because so many guys I pass onto my friends.
I don't care, or so I say. But because I feel the guys could never really like me I just want them to be with someone they feel they can be with. So where did this all come from?
As a kid I was always told to stop being selfish when I'd mention how I felt. I quickly swallowed up my feelings the most during my young age of 10. I was bullied while my mother was still in the hospital but when I brought it up to those who were watching me they'd say, "Grow up and get real who'd bully in this town?"
I kept everything closed off to myself. I didn't want to be told anymore how what I was saying didn't matter. Or that I needed to just grow up or stop being selfish. I felt like my emotions never mattered.
Whenever there was a fight started I would walk off and watch some TV luckily the shows that were on usually were Courage the Cowardly Dog, Grimm Adventures of Billy and Mandy, and Batman the Animated Series.
I could close myself off and just not share my frustration and feelings and just could keep my self safe. I've never really escaped that kind of life. I do it even to this day but I also rarely show any emotion. But I've learned that I can't keep this up forever I need someone to finally set this locked up heart free. Who will that be? I don't know but when I'm watching Batman or playing his games I feel so excited and uplifted. I feel like everything changes when I can just be around Batman, I guess because in a lot of ways he does the same thing.
I guess what I'm trying to say is this. Unless if someone is a drama queen take what the share seriously. Don't be little any ones feelings be understanding and comforting.
And most important know that your words have power. Oh just one more then I'll end it. When I was dating that guy and I was trying to ask for help to end the relationship with him, no one heard me. When I'd bring up the worry I'd have the most common thing said was, "You complain too much."
I stopped and that was when he finally tore me, I wish someone would've listened and said, "We're gonna help you dump him." But no one understands me and I don't know who will. But when someone does I will be so happy.
We all need that someone I know it. Please don't ever give up on someone being able to get you. They'll come in their own time. You're worthwhile!
KEEP BELIEVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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