Do you still believe?

So how's it going? Anyways I've just been struggling more and more trying to make a difference in my life and that difference hasn't taken form. What difference am I talking about? The difference of wealth or just enough money to finally just survive.
Gonna stick with the green now. :P But anyways I've just been trying to make enough. Just enough to continue fun video game playthroughs, just enough to get my car fixed.
My poor little car, ok so recently it has been squealing and I don't have the money to take it in to get fixed nor to get it an oil change. :(
I hate this whole trying to just survive. I literally have nothing without the money or means. Yet here I am blabbering about 1st world problems. Yet it has to be something so interesting.
 You see without money there is like no way to do anything. You can't donate to help others and you just are barely breathing to make it. When has money been so consuming in life? I don't know but it makes me sad.
I know that honestly I can't say if I was a millionaire I would never misuse the money. I don't know that for sure, I've never been a millionaire. But in the end I'd hope that if I did have that I would then buy the little house. http://www.tumbleweedhouses.com/products/b53/#ad-image-7 I love this little house.
My dream car. http://www.ford.com/cars/focus/trim/electric/ And then to officially adopt my foster wobbly cat, two pitbulls and another homeless kitty. That's my hope, then whatever would be left would go to charities and foundations. Would go to help make a difference.
But again I will never know. Anyways, I just have to keep pushing on.
KEEP BELIEVING!!!

Motivational Magnet by calabashcreations
View more flexible magnet designs from Zazzle.

Sophia Lilly Believe Butterfly Fairy Postcard by mykajelina
Browse Tattoo Postcards online at Zazzle.com

Eleanor Roosevelt Quote Refrigerator Magnet by mavjess
See other Eleanor roosevelt Magnets

It's just one big mud pit.

So I'm just doing what I do. Trying to get another job, earn more money, and just effing live. It can be one of the most trying things I have ever done. Despite my being able to show the world my worth they shove me away. Have you heard of this new song?

It's MKTO - Thank You. It's a song that I really enjoy because at one part they say for the drop-outs. Now let me give just some insight. I am NOT a drop-out. I completed all 4 years of high school with a 3.5-4.0 GPA. I passed the English Proficiencies with a score higher than any in my state, yet I failed the math one. You see I had actually finished High School sooner than most of my classmates so I was taking online college courses for most of my Junior and Senior year.
I was so sure I would graduate I didn't stress or worry. I mean my GPA was good and I was taking college classes as well. Here's where it went wrong. I tried so hard to pass the Math Proficiencies, and failed. All ten or eleven times. Yes I retook that test so many times just to pass, just once so I could go to college. In the end I couldn't, and despite my going to school full time and keeping my GPA, they denied my chance to pass.
Yet there was one boy whose GPA was low. And he skipped classes a lot. Yet because he passed both Proficiencies just by the skin of his nose he was granted the diploma.
I couldn't understand. How was it that someone like me who worked hard to try and pass and yet couldn't pass that test was denied her diploma? While on the other side someone who didn't work hard but passed the test was able to get a diploma just for that.
Now here's another story. I had at one point become jobless. I worked hard to try and get another job but in the end it was hopeless. I than went to the IRS to ask for some unemployment help, they denied it to me. The next day my friend called me thinking I got help from the IRS. I told her no, she blew a fuse. Her cousin who loved drugs and drinking was given unemployment help, even though he only had his job for two weeks. (I had my job for nine months)
So why am I bringing these stories to light, in the end I understand I don't know the other parties circumstance, but that doesn't change what these stories are saying. First off our Government is rewarding those who do not work hard. The Government is literally encouraging us to just do nothing and let them take care of us. Second the Government is sending out a message of you work hard then you won't get rewarded. And third they have taught us that it is foolishness to try your hardest to make something happen, just tell them what you want to happen and they will make it happen.
I have never seen myself not working hard to make something happen. Whether it was trying to make an income here on the interwebs or trying to get hired for work. And before when the GED and Adult Education mattered trying to get that. BTW the type of math they now require people to learn is so dumb. You will NEVER use most of what they teach. I've still never used geometry. Either way it is becoming obvious, be lazy and just rely on the Government and you'll get rewarded. Work hard and try to make a change and you'll be punished. Hmm, sounds silly it isn't. Realize what is happening, be a voice of ten million strong, make a difference. Else get prepared to be TOLD what to do and have no freedom at all.
KEEP BELIEVING!! BE STRONG!!!!!

Jefferson: Beware of Big Government Bumper Stickers by FamousQuotes
Check out Jefferson Bumper Stickers online at zazzle

Mr Strong Classic 2 Tees by littlemissandmrmen
Put photos on t-shirts at zazzle.com.

Well Behaved Women Fridge Magnet by toxiferouswarehouse
Create a one-of-a-kind custom magnet at Zazzle.

MAY 21st 10 A.M. Xbox Live!!

I just got the BIG news from Microsoft on their official announcement of the soon to be new console on May 21st at 10 A.M. PDT. It will be viewable on xbox.com and your own Xbox Live on your 360.
As many of you know I am a big gamer and for me I specifically love my Xbox and PC. I do own a PS2 to be able to play an old game of mine called Star Ocean: The Second Story. But in the end I'm kind of a nerding Microsoft fangirl. Anyways if you want to hear the big news then tune in. I will be doing updates after the big announcements and let you all know what Microsoft is bringing to the table!!! :D And best of all going to the mall tomorrow so going into Gamestop to see when they will be allowing pre-orders. :) Lol, well I hope you guys are as pumped as me, for the time enjoy my next episode of the game Devil May Cry. :D

Achievement Unlocked T-shirt by Ryan14
Shop for custom t shirts online at Zazzle

xbox, Dont touch me, I'm in beast mode. T Shirts by td34tht
Shop for Xbox T-Shirts online at Zazzle.com

controller, I went outside once.The graphics we... T Shirts by wakeboard413
Check out more Xbox T-Shirts at Zazzle

So it seems

BIG SHOUT OUT TO: DANIEL WATERS!!! AUTHOR OF THE BOOK KISS OF LIFE.

So I decided to start reading again the problem, I get so into the story that when I come back to reality I just want to cry. Recently I was getting more and more better from the bad experience I had with the monster, (as he will now be called.) But I know that my heart and body still are afraid of letting a man touch me.
You see I thought about being able to kiss another man again, and my heart froze. I guess I still have a way to go to repair everything, while the monster doesn't seem to need that. He has gone over to BYU in Provo, UT and already found a girl. Why is it he can't learn? I thought about that a lot.
A recent song I love is by Natalia Kills: Zombie. I'm in love with a zombie, but his heart is so cold! Does he want for my body, or does he want me for my brains, brains, brains, brains.
Just those two lyrics described my time with the monster. Now I am not thinking bad of him, ok no I am. I just want to never go near him ever again. You see falling in love with a zombie isn't good I became very ill, I couldn't think, and I couldn't feel love...just fear.
And now he just is so easily back in the dating world? I just pray no other girl will get hurt. Anyways, I should just forget but dang it's harder than I thought. Anyways I am very much enjoying Devil May Cry and will post two videos of my playthrough down below.
I hope you all are finding strength somewhere. :D
KEEP BELIEVING!!!!!!!!!

Zombie In Trunk Bumper Sticker by REa11y
Browse more Zombie Bumper Stickers

Double Tap Tee Shirt by akdream
Look at more Zombies T-Shirts at zazzle

Zombie Tshirts by Firedancer_23
Customize a tshirt online at Zazzle.

Doesn't mean I have to stop following my dreams.

Hey all!

So I have been asked to do a playthrough of Devil May Cry. This game is pretty dang fun! I love playing as Dante, and knowing that this game is based off the famous novel is even better.

So I have decided to go ahead and have fun doing what I love to do. I enjoy playing video games. I enjoy watching anime's/reading manga's. I just enjoy being surrounded by books forever.

Just recently I realized that there was a HUGE difference between me and my friends, but I still love them.

They make me smile and want to become better and better because of them. Anyways I have been saving money from my job to be able to go to my Hometown for the huge Armed Forces Day celebration.

I will be doing a vlog as to which I will post to on here. I enjoy what I do and how I do things, if anyone doesn't like it well too bad. I've never been put out by someone commenting that I'm lame or whatever. So I hope you guys have a great week and hopefully I will be able to do a post again soon. :)

KEEP BELEVING!!!!!!

Beatrice Posters by Anry
Design a poster at zazzle.com

Falling Sky Poster by Anry
View custom art Posters & Prints at online Zazzle

Devastation Poster by Anry
Look for more gallery posters at Zazzle

Anry does some really pretty pictures here are three that I really like. :D

E3!! NEW CONSOLES!!

Official BusyGamer Gamette Shirt by sglover1970
See other Busygamer T-Shirts

Gamer Girl T-shirt by DizzyDebbie
Browse Online gamer T-Shirts online at Zazzle.com

Don't Push My Buttons (Girl Gamer FTW) T Shirts by thatoneweirdchick
Print your own pictures on t shirts from Zazzle.

Now just give me a moment as my nerdy gamer girl side let's loose. *inhales* ..................YYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! AH-HAHAHAHAHA WHOOT!!!! YES YES YES YES YES!!!!!!! YEEE-HAAAAA!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *catches breathe, and returns to proper posture*
May I just say that this year at E3 will be the biggest in a long time! With the exciting announcements of Sony's PS4 to Microsoft and the new Xbox, some rumors have even come up about Nintendo releasing some big news.
And for icing on the cake, a trailer of the new Batman: Arkham Origins will be released at the Convention, can I get a what what? Oh yeah it is a big deal. On top many Japanese companies have talked about bringing more of their games to the state. After the success of Ni No Kuni!
Anyways I'm just nerding out about all of this and my friend has made me nerd out more by allowing me her Netflix to enjoy my fav animes, like Ouran Host Club!!
Anyways I'm snacking on some pizza rolls, listening to tweets and videos about the E3 Convention. And just having a ball. Hope you all are having a fantabulous day!!
KEEP BELIEVING!!!!!!!!

You gotta just relax.

Bad Spellers Unite! T Shirt by cultclassicts
Browse more Dyslexic T-Shirts at Zazzle

I Recycle Boys T-shirts by raggedshirts
Get the best custom t-shirts from Zazzle.com

Have you taken that one day to just sit and be at peace? Have you just taken a moment to do nothing but to just sit still and think? Most likely you said no.
Life tends to be very hectic. We need to eat quickly, get work finished, go home and work some more, and then with reluctance go to sleep. You crawl into bed having your brain still run at a thousand miles per hour, thinking of what you could've done differently. You then probably beat yourself up over it. Oh, if only you didn't have the job you do. If only your kids would understand that you're busy and do not have any time for them. If only your wife would have a bigger dinner prepared, or the nanny would stay all day to just cook for you and your wife.
Have you ever stopped to think that maybe we are not as busy as we claim? I have, many times we get into this mind set of I'm too busy. I need to go to work/school, get home and do more work to pursue what I want to do, check up on friends and family on social networks, and then maybe some TV just before going to bed. Have you ever taken one entire day, out of your week to just go sit in nature?
Gardening is a great thing to do, you take the whole day to just sit out there in nature, your hands working in the dirt. You block out all distractions and focus on tending to your lovely garden. The bees are your friends, the earthworms are helping hands, and you just enjoy being dirty and smelling the sweet smell of the earth.
When you take the chance to completely forget the world(or what we claim is the world) and just listen we hear and understand more. Now have you ever just wanted a time where you could find freedom? Don't let money be your captor, let it be your friend. Money is not a need but a welcome help to meet your needs. I think the biggest problem is this, we are merely focusing on the money.
Money is what we see those who live in big houses, drive nice cars, and just never seem to struggle for want. They always have it all right? Wrong, let me explain, if I could and if I was brave enough, I'd live alone in the woods. My Grandfather on my Dad's side  did that. He loved it and I loved visiting him. It was so nice to be up in the woods, surrounded by trees and just hearing nothing but nature. No cars, no phones, it was nice.
I promise that if you take a moment to forget the world you will be able to better understand yourself.
KEEP BELIEVING!!!!