Darkening Clouds

I live out in the West and as many know we are suffering from a severe drought that could lead to another Dust Bowl. But what is more interesting to me about this all is just the fact that it's making me want to find an answer for all the difficult problems. I find things to be really hard and not a soul can help me. I'm trapped in a place worse then purgatory really.
I can't move forward much. Trying this and hoping friends would support is a sad excuse of hope. I love my friends and family but it just feels like such a waste of time and energy when all I seem good for many of them is just being a listening ear. I'm grateful I can do that but many times I wish they would return the favor.
I wish I could just talk not have someone stop me and say how they see it and causing me to feel I can't open my mouth. When ever I write and I meet new characters they become my screaming voice. The voice that so often is shot down because no one agrees with me.
My mother is the only one who listens to me and I'm very grateful to her for it. I don't know what I would do without her. She makes it easy for me to at least have one person who will listen to me.
I've been having huge struggles with the whole financial crisis of the health care I was provided for an infected finger. And no one seems to get it, they just assume I'll be ok because of where I live. But where I live makes me extra depress and desiring to just run away and live among wolves or something. 
I didn't choose any of this and that's what makes things much more difficult. I wish I had just gone to New York to pursue my writing and fashion. Or that I could've tried for Nasa in building robotics like my father did. I wanted to be MORE then I am now.
And I feel like now I'm just too late, I can't change anything. I am stuck being judged and shot down. Maybe I need to be more harsh, stop my friends but I can't do that, not since I lost my father.
I'm gonna continue thinking of my books, gonna keep writing. Gonna play games I love, read books I love, and just do more to feel happy and excited for life. I miss that each day thinking new ideas writing more and seeing more, then the brick wall with spikes. Wish me luck.
KEEP BELIEVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!