Reality can be very suffocating.

I stared at my friends casket as she was lowered into her grave, to never be seen again. All of my tears were spent from crying with her husband over the news. I looked over at Robert as he hled their son in his arms, he was fighting to not cry and I knew why.
"Strength," I whispered under my breath. Strength was the only way to survive the numbing pain that this life brings.
I saw Tom and my other friends across from me. He ave me a sorrowful look, probably because he regretted the fact that he had tried to get me on such a terrible night. I couldn't stay any longer and left in my car.
I drove half way home before pulling off to a part of the river that was sucluded. I pulled my shoes off and waded into the river allowing my black dress to get soaked I kept walking. 'NO!' I knew that I was feeling crazy wanting to just see if my invincibility of death would save me from drowning.
The rivers currents tore at my body tugging at my legs urging for me to slip and be pulled in. I kept walking till the currents where to my collarbone. I then slowly bent my legs feeling the current tear me off balance. My head hit the water as I sunk into the rushing water.
I screamed allowing water to flow into my mouth. 'I DON'T WANT TO DIE!' I felt my body get yanked as if I was caught, my body had closed my mouth after the first initial rush of water. I felt my body get tugged up till I was out of the river and my mouth coughed out the water it had been filled with. 'I'm alive, I'm so glad.'
"Let me go!" I thought I shouted but instead my mouth mumbled. I couldn't see well with the river water still in my eyes. But the breathing sounded deep and I could feel that I was in the arms of a man.
"I don't think letting you go will be beneficial."
I finally could see and a man who had half reptelian scales was looking at me with blue green eyes. My mind and body reacted screaming before I blacked out.

Recently I've found out why I've been suffering severe lonliness. Many of my friends are married and having kids all over. I'm still single and trapped in a spiral of my own demise. I don't suffer suicide, at least not since I was ten.
But this loniliness has proven to be a very suffocating feeling. I have one of two men interested in me, the first is the ood old friend, the second is the full sexual fantasy.
I want one chance at a deep romance but it's funny I seem to only be able to get the romance in my writing.
KEEP BELIEVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!