I met this guy at the Halloween dance he was really sweet and talked to me before asking me out. I was of course happy because I hadn't had a date for almost 3 years. I finally felt I was attractive to someone and went out with him. A friend of mine tagged along which I was grateful for, we went to a Halloween party where he kissed me.
A kiss on the first date wasn't unusual since the last guy I dated gave my first kiss on our first date. But that guy only stayed for a week and was very open of his desires for sex but respected me in not wanting to have sex. But sadly with this guy he would teach me why a guy wanting to kiss on the first date is a red flag.
He asked me out a few more times we had dinner and watched movies. I enjoyed it and it was fun being around him, I never felt unsafe either. It wasn't until Thanksgiving that he asked me to visit his family. That was when my fears started. I wasn't sure why he introduced me to his family we hadn't been dating for more then three weeks.
Yet there I was with his family. Then it happened. I decided to accept his invite to watch a movie at his house. Usually his mother was there so I wasn't worried, but when I got there she was leaving. I didn't feel too nervous since he was suppose to be a righteous man in my churches standards.
Yet he kissed me and he shoved his tongue into my mouth. I pulled back and asked him to not do that, he told me to just relax and placed a hand down below. I paniced and started to cry which made him get mad and stop. I got up and left, I didn't ever want to see him again yet he wanted to apologize and then he did it again. This time successfully bruising my leg, I wanted to let him go in full but I didn't.
Finally he gave the final reason out public as to why I should let him go. He told me a lie that he was going to a nephews birthday during the night of a party. I went to the party to find him sitting with another girl. I kept myself as calm as I could before leaving and breaking down.
I knew one of his secrets he watched porn in excess amounts, he never saw women as humans but as objects to get his jollies off to. I was bruised by him and was scarred in an even worse manner. And now when any man tells me porn is good I cry and get upset.
Porn is actually brand new and the types of porn is all different. Unlike in the old times where it didn't exist men had only their imagination, but in their imagination they were more often then not respecting women as wives or mothers. I know this cause I read a 1920 romance novel written by a man who wrote it for his love who died and he never got to hold in his arms.
I have become a wreck, I'm scared of men I don't feel like I can trust them or even see them as protectors. The worst part Porn is very widely accepted as normal and that we are to stop judging men who watch it. For me, men it's one thing to imagine sex ok. Cause us women imagine sex too. But it's another to have your ways of having sex played out to you by men who have no respect for women at all.
How do I know this? There is lots of websites where women are forced to perform sex acts that they don't want to do. Do you seriously think it is normal? It isn't and that's why I worry and feel unsafe around men. I hope that things change on the view of Porn I hope it becomes realized how damaging it is.
It's why in the end I always say...
KEEP BELIEVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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