Sigh, I don't want to make money without using it to help others in some way or another. It always sucks when I see how there are many who struggle like me. And yet seeing a difference in family or just even friends helping me in the end. I saw a girl about my age on a corner of a well known street in my town for people selling themselves for sex. I only had a few quarters and some fries but she told me she was grateful.
Later when I was at home I reached another breaking point, lately these attacks have started to come more often, but I've been so stubborn. I always look at myself in the mirror and know I could sell myself off for sex as well to make a living. Heck if I just took up the Casino's offers to be a gogo dancer and basically a hostess, I would be living very comfortably. But I don't want to live that life, because I've already tasted the tainted hands of men who lust only for sex.
I have grown so tired of the whole trying to get a boyfriend (let alone a husband) who would find joy in doing nothing but just sitting together on the bed and talking would be amazing. For my whole life I've been looked at for only my body, for so long I've only been told that my body was good. No guy ever said I just enjoy your personality, it was always oh you have such a nice body.
I've grown tired of seeing that, but on top of it I've grown tired of societies view on men. Society has basically said that men just can't control themselves. Well society if that is the case then I should be allowed to attack any guy just cause of his body correct? Oh but that's right I'm a woman I'm only to be acted upon and not to be the one who acts upon the man.
When I thought about that woman I knew that in some cases she may truly like it. It happens, but more often then not those people in the porn industry were sold away. Money can really buy anything when someone is desperate enough for it. I grow tired of trying to get my zazzle items to sell, to getting views on my YouTube channel. I don't make revenue on this blog unless I post a zazzle product and you buy it.
But I don't know how to make a profit. I was given a chance to become a stripper to make money and sometimes I get tempted to do that just to earn more so I can help those who need it. I'm tired of never having enough of not being able to convince anyone to check any of my videos out.
I want to continue writing but I feel so suffocated when I have to be paying off for so many things. I just want to be free I want to just live the life I've wanted. I just want to know that I'm not just an object, that I am someone of importance, that I am someone of worth!
I guess I have a LONG way to go before I can even live what I talk about. The whole belief thing on a better life, even I doubt it. How, how, can I just make a change!? I don't know, I feel trapped in a whirlwind so please forgive me if my blog becomes much more deep. I guess in the end I only know one thing...
KEEP BELIEVING.
This blog I'm going to be posting a video by one of my favorite YouTuber. As a heads up he does cuss, so if you don't like that you may not want to watch his other videos, but he is doing a charity event. Markiplier is his name on YouTube and I strongly urge you to even just donate a dollar it will make a HUGE difference. :) So check him out and help by donating. :D
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