I recently got this free e-book called The Trouble with Goodbye. In the book the main character has been raped and she finds a man who helps her to heal from her broken self. Now if you've read any of my previous posts you'll know that I've been abused by men for far too long. What hurts even more the one guy who was seeming to fix me had to end.
I explained to a friend how deeply we were connected, we loved each other he was the only man to ever say he loved me. He expected nothing from me, just my presence. When I set up boundaries with him he respected me in a huge way. He never once pushed the issue he only loved me and cherished me. People in my church were against our dating because he wasn't a member but I knew he was special. So special that I was ready to give him my everything, yet even in that moment he stopped and told me, "You're already makin it hard for me to leave, if we go all the way I could never let you go."
He truly loved me and didn't want to let me go but he was from Australia and unless I was willing to move there and be with him we weren't going anywhere. He unlike any guy I have ever dated didn't push a single thing. He never once made me feel bad for denying him kisses or dates. He also always stared at me despite other girls prettier then me admiring him. He showed me that a guy could truly love me. Especially since I was still trying to repair from everything that happened in my junior high to high school years.
Then after he was gone I dated another man, one who was a member of my church and immediatly people approved of us dating. No one saw him as a bad person but those nights I was with him I was scared. And the pain and hurt he left me broke me even further. What sucks was the sweeping under of what he did. I now have been struggling to feel like some man out there in the world will be like the Aussie I once was with.
What makes things even harder is some guys not understandin what I went through and getting hurt and mad at me. I need time to really work a relationship with someone, but it seems I'm going too slowly. I've felt frozen and thus my pain and anxiety reigns. I didn't notice how those scarring events stick. They don't just leave they consume your dreams and fears, they make you feel like you are what people say, "a whore."
I want for any woman whose faced this suffocating pain, please know you are NOT a whore. You didn't ask for it in any way. You are a human being and those men are nothing but dogs. Please know that you are someone special because of what you went through you better see the world. You know there isn't just good people because of religions or something else. You know there is evil everywhere. You also have the most golden hearts never forget that. Please raise awareness of rape and assault. The real pain can destroy a woman, don't let that happen.
To the men, be bigger then dogs. Don't live off your desires have control of them. Also don't ever see a woman as an object, she is a human being who has emotions and feelings that needs to be loved.
We need to be better then we were.
KEEP BELIEVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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