When You're Ready, Then Just End It.

Have you just had one of those weekends where every possible thing that could go wrong does? Yeah I just had one of those. To start off the stress was having to listen to all my guy friends (only one who asked me out, the rest have never done so) whine about being friendzoned. I would love to go out with all of them but none of them get the courage to ask me out. :( But it just hurts more when they choose to stay "friendzoned" because that 1 girl didn't say yes.

Now let me vent about that for a bit. There are over a billion people in this world. And in an average city there resides about 10,000-50,000 people. Yet you would allow for your selfishness to just be absorbed by the one girl you thought was perfect saying, no let's just be friends? Are you kidding me?

Now if you're a girl and you haven't been asked out properly by any guy then you should try asking them out. I have been rejected 35 different times. Yeah I'm stubborn but I also know that there is not a one and only until you have been married and then work together to keep your one and only.

Friendzone was just a yeah for guys to not have to ask out any other girls who didn't fit their ideal. Have you tried going out with other girls? Or were you too busy being that one girl who rejected you friend that you just didn't bother?

And look being friends first is awesome, but if she said no then the answer is NO! And she wasn't as ideal or perfect as you thought she was, because if you really are as nice as you say and she doesn't like that then she isn't worth it. But be aware you may not be as "nice" as you think you are.

So that was just the first of the stress, the next was my cat Bolt. Here's a video of him.

Cute right? Well he got sick, and so we to him to the vet. Luckily he's all good now and back to being his slightly wobbly self again.

Now the last. I know that I never say things the way others can understand them. I say things the way I understand. But don't EVER bring up something so painful as when I was sexually assaulted and then tell me I was lying. That has to hurt the worst.

A friend of mine called me to pick up a bag of clothes, which after she confronted me saying that I had been lying to her about a number of things. But it all apparently started when Facebook (a website that is imperfect) had my birthday posted as October 10th rather than October 5th. Because of that she accused me of other things, which I was honest in and it bothered me.

But when she claimed I had lied about "fighting off" my friends parents, who were hurting them, that I then should've been able to have fought off the Monster. First of all I don't have that great of a memory but I know I never once told her how I dodged flying bullets. I just remember saying I gave my friends safety and fought their parents off by calling 911 for them. That was all I remember. But she was defiant in what I had said. I don't feel bad for writing this out because I need an outlet and if she reads this and gets hurt then she should know why.

Just because you heard something doesn't mean the person said it. If you do a study on the brain waves and how our ear-drums work you'll notice they're never in true pattern to what you hear or understand.

In her case she might have blocked out the rest seeing me in her mind fighting, after the word fought. But that doesn't mean I said what she thought.

But when she brought up what the Monster had done to me again I was stung. When I saw my guy friends and girlfriends after talking to her. I just wanted to fall into their arms and cry. I just want to cry to somebody but because I've never had a good experience crying to friends I just don't share that emotion.

I've been called weak, a liar, filth, disgusting, ugly, cruel, not of any worth, and a monster. If I could I would build a cabin far in the woods, I would then surround myself by animals and NEVER interact with humans. I try so hard to build on courage and strength but I can barely handle it when someone calls me something I'm not.

I know though that in the end I've met wonderful people whom I am so lucky to call friend. I may not let them in very much but I do love them all.

Now you all can say how sorry you feel for any guy who will become my husband. Because yes it will take time till he can open the door to my heart. I'm protective of myself because when I needed someone the most no one could come to help. So I learned how to keep myself safe.

Anyways I'm doing a Minecraft video soon on friendzone. It is basically what I said but you'll have to watch it. :)

And like I always say, KEEP BELIEVING!!!!!!!!!!