I am a force all my own!

You should totally listen to the song posted above! It seriously is an awesome song. When I heard this song I became more proud of being a woman and for the body I have and everything about me that men had torn down.
Of course when I talked to friends about some of the things that have made me feel incapable of even taking care of myself I just become tired. In my last post I talked about LoA or League of Angels. On this game there is chat, and there are many from around the world.
I brought up my pleasant joy in knowing that the good old Obamacare would be forcing me into welfare in order to be on it. Yes that is for Medicaid. And I am not lying. But because I want to take care of myself and not be dependent on anyone I decided, I will pay the medical bills by myself. The bills are over 2,000$ but I don't care.
I also know that yes there will be lots of late fees to cover as well. But you know what, I have to do that for my stupid taxes, so it doesn't matter to me. Somehow or another the governments plan to help has instead cut me down. And I've reached a point where if the government will force me onto the whole health care band wagon that I'll be disappearing.
But after they told me that I just realized that you know what I am a strong and powerful individual. I don't need no one to hold my hand I'm going to take care of myself and if it means going to prison because I can't pay some bills that's fine. I've realized prison sounds better then bowing to the governments demands.
So what are my plans, I'm thinking of building my own business in my hometown. Can I do it, who knows? But if I don't change something soon I will be falling. And yeah guess what I hate the government hah go figure, the reason they want you to rely on them so they can cut you off soon.
Whether you believe the Bible of not the part about the Beast shows you that he decides to make everyone rely on him and those he doesn't like are killed. And yeah with this whole health care thing the government will be able to do just that. I will not be chained the government will have no way of making me bow down. I'm gonna fight. Will you?
KEEP BELIEVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why the internet is a place that is safe for the shy people.

So recently I decided to find some online games that I could play. Especially ones that didn't require any downloading and had been shown on gaming websites to be free of viruses and malware. One of these such games is LoA or League of Angels. 
Now this game is pretty dang fun. It's a MMORPG and it's a social game. Now I do not enjoy social games because I meet people who are like me and I just start wishing they lived here so I could meet them in person. I also raise many a guys hopes in meeting me but well we can't.
The other thing there are those who are way too young to be playing these kinds of games. And then you also don't know who is telling the truth and who is lying straight to your face. It's the internet so even if someone says something you agree with and like you just don't know if it is legit.
I was surprised when just posting emoticons how people thought I was cool. I decided to talk about somethings I like without revealing names, or places, or age. Suddenly there where many who wanted to be my friends and a lot of guys (or at least I hope so) who wanted to use a very strange feature called marriage on the game.
I do not get the whole thing with these social games where they even have the whole option of marriage. And here is why, for a lot of those on the chat they explained how they only go out to work but stay home to play this game. It made me said, because I go out with friends from time to time or I work on here or on YouTube. I don't have a ton of time that I donate to playing games, but when I can play them they're nice.
It's just that even though these games allow for the ones who are pained with being very shy to have social interaction it is still over the internet. I had dated an Aussie for three months after he left seeing me in the States. I realized very quickly how much more alone I felt with out him, true we skyped and chatted but it was not the same.
I also know this it's the internet. What someone says could be the biggest lie of your whole life. They could be a murder or rapist, or they could be a hacker who needs just a little lee-way. The internet can be very terrifying and it's one reason for being VERY cautious.
I don't disbelieve anyone but I'm also not letting my guard down either. I also have to put up a tough barrier since I won't deny it I feel very alone and desire love with someone of the opposite sex. When you get a bunch of shy guys on these games wanting your attention it's pretty nice. But I always erase it and laugh it off.
And apparently if you just really relate to people they like you alot. I became the hot topic for a while and people just wanted me to keep talking about the weird things I like. I explained how I like cars, and different video games and consoles. I even talked a bit about sports.
But I won't deny it, this can be fun as long as it stays clean and doesn't go hay wire. And social gaming isn't bad it's just if you only have work for socializing and then go home for the internet you may want to find something else to socialize with. For me it's my church that helps me to socialize, but there is other things.
If you don't believe in a religion then just go out and have some. Go swimming, go dancing in the rain. You'd be surprised but there are people like you in real life. Can there be romance, I don't know haven't found it for myself yet so just go out there and make friends. Don't let the internet be your only place to socialize.
Oh and yes I'm still gonna play the game, just because I have fun playing the game. :)
KEEP BELIEVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've lost my best friend and guardian.

He was red furred, covered with white and black frekles galore. He always was willing to be the first one to greet you at the door. If he didn't like he would let you know, a warning growl at those he felt where his enemies.
But he knew how to be gentle and how to be kind. He loved two cats who he guarded with his life. His owner he kept safe at night, always aware of what was going on outside. He was sad but to say that the little girl he loved had to move and live in a far away place. But yet she couldn't see him not for the last time, all she could say to him was over the phone. "I love you my puppy, you're the best dog of all. I know that you're strong and you'll be alright."
Yet when she recieved the call she broke down and cried out in public where no one knew why. And so she sobbed and sobbed while I she drove back home to find him lieing there seeming to be alive. But the touch was cold and his light was gone from his eyes. She knew in deep sorrow her puppy had died.
She remembered how he filled the void her father had left. How he protected her against the bullies from her school. He was always the one there with a shoulder to cry on and always cheering her on when she needed it most.
All though he is gone he is now with my father, and they both are together watching and guarding over us. He's still in my heart, he is still my puppy, my dog named Rover was the only dog who was ever so cool.
I love you Rover. And I miss you so much, this will be a very hard time for me but there are so many who miss you too. Here is a picture of the most amazing dog I've ever known. 

He lived a long and wonderful life.
Keep Believing!

The desire to help others when they can't help themselves.

I feel like I'm not really here anymore, I feel like I'm gone that all I'm doing is struggling with my hands tied in front a gun ready to fire. To end all of my struggling, all of my working to make something change. The gun is all about my money.
Sigh, I don't want to make money without using it to help others in some way or another. It always sucks when I see how there are many who struggle like me. And yet seeing a difference in family or just even friends helping me in the end. I saw a girl about my age on a corner of a well known street in my town for people selling themselves for sex. I only had a few quarters and some fries but she told me she was grateful.
Later when I was at home I reached another breaking point, lately these attacks have started to come more often, but I've been so stubborn. I always look at myself in the mirror and know I could sell myself off for sex as well to make a living. Heck if I just took up the Casino's offers to be a gogo dancer and basically a hostess, I would be living very comfortably. But I don't want to live that life, because I've already tasted the tainted hands of men who lust only for sex.
I have grown so tired of the whole trying to get a boyfriend (let alone a husband) who would find joy in doing nothing but just sitting together on the bed and talking would be amazing. For my whole life I've been looked at for only my body, for so long I've only been told that my body was good. No guy ever said I just enjoy your personality, it was always oh you have such a nice body.
I've grown tired of seeing that, but on top of it I've grown tired of societies view on men. Society has basically said that men just can't control themselves. Well society if that is the case then I should be allowed to attack any guy just cause of his body correct? Oh but that's right I'm a woman I'm only to be acted upon and not to be the one who acts upon the man.
When I thought about that woman I knew that in some cases she may truly like it. It happens, but more often then not those people in the porn industry were sold away. Money can really buy anything when someone is desperate enough for it. I grow tired of trying to get my zazzle items to sell, to getting views on my YouTube channel. I don't make revenue on this blog unless I post a zazzle product and you buy it.
But I don't know how to make a profit. I was given a chance to become a stripper to make money and sometimes I get tempted to do that just to earn more so I can help those who need it. I'm tired of never having enough of not being able to convince anyone to check any of my videos out.
I want to continue writing but I feel so suffocated when I have to be paying off for so many things. I just want to be free I want to just live the life I've wanted. I just want to know that I'm not just an object, that I am someone of importance, that I am someone of worth!
I guess I have a LONG way to go before I can even live what I talk about. The whole belief thing on a better life, even I doubt it. How, how, can I just make a change!? I don't know, I feel trapped in a whirlwind so please forgive me if my blog becomes much more deep. I guess in the end I only know one thing...
KEEP BELIEVING.








This blog I'm going to be posting a video by one of my favorite YouTuber. As a heads up he does cuss, so if you don't like that you may not want to watch his other videos, but he is doing a charity event. Markiplier is his name on YouTube and I strongly urge you to even just donate a dollar it will make a HUGE difference. :) So check him out and help by donating. :D

 

The ones who work hard and are rewarded should be the ones we should punish.

Zombie In Trunk Bumper Sticker by REa11y
Check out other Zombie Bumper Stickers at zazzle.com

 I always wondered what happened to those who actually worked hard to get where they wanted. What happened to the entrepreneurs who built small business's into billion dollar business's? What happened to the Indie bands who make a name for them selves through their own hard work? Or how about the President who worked hard and didn't lie to the people of his country?

I also began to wonder about what happened to all those who believe in working to make their lives better? Rather then the lazy bums who want to be handed money for doing nothing? How about the kind hearts who pay for many medical and other expenses for people? Where have the gold hearts gone?

I always just wondered especially when in my church people talk about living within your means. But if we honestly believed that then we would help everyone no matter what, because God would provide for what we use in our means. Yet many in my church don't believe that, I like to think about those in the scriptures, I mean where does it say they had lots of money?

And then I have friends who are very much against religion, not a bad thing just they don't understand religion. And yes that includes those who are religious. You see one of two things happens, you become extreme in bad mouthing the other for their beliefs, or you just decide to deny either claim for both sides.

Charles Darwin was a master in questioning our existence he wanted to know better how we came to be. He didn't want a church being the only thing acceptable he wanted to know for himself. So he sought the answer, but what he found was immediately hated. Now I've read his book and not once have I ever read something where he said we come directly from monkey's, but where he talks about plants and their evolution to animals.

I believe in evolution because it is in front of your face, you probably have a pet in your home. That pet evolved long ago from it's ancestors to the companions you now enjoy in your own home.

We as humans have evolved from using horses and written letters to cars and tablets or smartphones. We have a huge evolution that happened to us, we know how to use helicopters, spray guns for skin cells to heal burns. Safe procedures to cure most diseases in the world. More babies are able to survive with their moms because of our technology and yet not that long ago this was unbelievable. We actually are very much in the future that those in the 50's thought would come to be.

And yet there are those who would be widely against the idea of evolution. But please hear me out. What scientists claim of us coming from monkey's is even silly in their own minds. Our DNA's are not compatible with monkey's we just look a little similar. If we were to have evolved from anything it would be mushrooms. Yup Fungus is more closely related to use genetically then monkey's. Meaning that that makes a whole lot more sense. Especially in how our bodies decay is the same as a fungus that dies.

So when you eat a mushroom remember it's a brother from another mother.

  Ok so enough with the puns. But seriously religion and science where meant for each other! One continues the quest of questioning everything and the other gives you comfort in knowing that there are great beings out there who love us enough to not have come and destroyed this world. If you never saw the Hubble Telescopes picture of all the galaxies in this universe you need to. It shows that we are MOST defiantly not alone, and that we are probably watched over by aliens who care about this earth.

We are on a strange planet this earth has very many weird things to it, including uneven gravity. Yup you may not notice but some places the gravity is less and others it is much more. In some ways it makes sense, because there are places where people tend to be bigger indicating heavier gravity. Then you have places where people are smaller probably places with less gravity. It wouldn't be a big difference but you would notice it.

It's the whole evolution thing again. I just feel we need to think and understand where each side comes from and love both. It's just dumb to hate one side when they both compliment each other perfectly. But because of that many are limited.

You see the whole reason that success isn't happening as often is because people don't want to compromise. They hate it if someone else gets rewarded for their hard work but no one else does. What have we become, of course those who work hard and are rewarded for it deserve it, not the other way around. Get up and work hard and stop being limited!

Your reality is being written out by you. In one of my previous posts  http://finding-my-worlds.blogspot.com/2014/01/gonna-be-taking-week-long-break.html

I talk about the whole truth behind kinetic powers. How we all have these powers but why is it some tap into the powers better than others? I think it's because those people will use them to heal others. But this shows you are not limited.

You have such a wide area of being able to make a difference. You are NOT limited by what anyone says. Take control of your life and show others your strength!!!

KEEP BELIEVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey guys so above I posted about one of my bumper stickers. I thought it was a cute idea of having a zombie in your trunk to unleash on those tailgaters. The sticker is cheap and it will add some adorable flair to your car. :)  

Aren't We All Human?

For the longest time I always wondered what race was. You see I came from a literal mini New York, in the sense of it being a melting pot. Through out my whole time in school there was always a large range of different races, cultures, and religions. There was never a point where there wasn't some one from some other country. It was always fun and when we reached a point where the teachers where to teach about hate among the races we just asked what a race was.
Oh, man you would not believe the anger at that point. It just made me realize that what really was the problem was we were being taught to hate each other. You or your ancestors where in the wrong so you have the right to be angry at the others. But we didn't like that, none of us did. We had Paiutes in my class who always asked to not have the lesson on how much people should feel angry at how the Natives were treated.
We had Africans who were always grumpy when there was Black Month stating, what is the point of Martin Luther Kings message if we are still looked at for our skin color? We had Hispanics who hated how people said they were so poor living in Mexico, they always asked well why does no one try to change the country instead of bringing it here. And many of my Asian friends always asked why it was said how much America should be hated for the Atomic bomb drops, when they knew it was a no choice move.
I also remember friends of different religions not begging to have things removed, like the pledge of allegiance, or prayer, or anything that was against their religion. They said as long as I don't have to do it why should I care? And in the end many got sucked into the evil thoughts we are taught to have in school.
Guess what you have been lied to and manipulated into thinking hatred towards each other. If we all started with the mind set of you are human just like, you just think and act different from, then would we be in a better world. If you're brave enough bring up to the board of education how you want history to be taught differently. Do we want to forget the sorrows, no, but we can teach them in a way to not instill hatred. What do we get when we hate?
Wars, millions of deaths, and torture and slavery. You want that to continue, if not then change the way you learn. Teach love and understanding, bring hope and way to a brighter future so we can all stop this stupidity.
What does war do for us all? I think of all those apocalypse ideas we have now a days, it used to be the idea of flying cars, better lives, robots, no more hunger. And yet we now only see death and destruction, we only see the world ending. I want my kids to see a world filled with better technology, a chance to create and go to countries that aren't safe now. I want a brighter, happier world where we all see each other as humans who are all equal.
Let's start to remove hate and start love.
KEEP BELIEVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



For the longest time I always wished for a romantic night with someone for just one special night. It has never happened but I drew what I always dreamed of and now you can have it on your laptop too, maybe as just an idea for a sweet night. :) 

A Night In Paris Laptop Skins by REa11y
View other Paris Skins at Zazzle.com

Watching Other Countries Kill Their Own Kind

In many places throughout this world we have not seen how they are. If you took one moment to learn of all of these countries and the wars they have on their own people, it would make you so sad. Countries like Nigeria, Afghanistan, Pakistan, shall I keep going? Even Russia was like that, and China still has it's own problems. How stupid are we crying over our "problems" when there are so many who watch friends be shot right in front of their eyes? When there are people having to hide to survive? Where there are people who have nothing because their government says they can't?
WHAT ARE WE DOING!? We sit here worrying about ourselves and yet when it comes to the actual help of people we don't seem to do anything. We just become worried of our own situation. Now don't get me wrong, do I honestly think any of these countries would accept our help, no.
Now why do I think that? Well let's talk about Russia for a while shall we. You see Russia was killing their own people by starving them to death. They were given rations of food and that was all they could have. People where even shot if they tried to get food any other way. Finally the military for Russia stood withe people and the rebelled against the government. They shut down their own government. Sadly that is the only way to help these countries who kill their own with no remorse. For many they feel that they are keeping their people safe, but all they are doing is blinding their people to the truth!
No matter where you live you have the greatest power it's just we feel so comfortable in our bubbles that breaking them and changing our lives is hard. When America came to be it was because the colonists from England saw how the Natives lived. The Natives taught them that they could be free to live the life they wanted.
When people tell me how we destroyed the Natives world I stare and ask how? The Paiutes I've met have told me they never hated the "white man." Whom they hated were the men filled with pride. But that stood for anyone.
We need to help each other to realize WE the individual man are the ones who make the difference. We are the ones to instill the thought of questioning everything. We are the ones who stand against all the weapons and wars being fought. We are the ones to make that voice and yes, maybe it will cost you your life.
I sound so big living in a country where I can say how much I hate Obamacare, how much I don't like this or that and not be killed. But I want to go to other countries to risk my life to get the people to change. I want to see a BRAVE NEW WORLD!!!
KEEP BELIEVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





On another note I know that China, North Korea, and many other countries will NEVER allow my posts because their people would begin to question. They would begin to wonder how could there be so much more then the life they've lived?
Also check out my Touching Heart T-Shirt. When I drew this picture it was in my mind how much I want to touch people and their hearts. If you like it buy it below. :)
 

Touching My Heart Tee Shirt by REa11y
See more Broken T-Shirts at zazzle.com

Creating A Whole New Home

Hello everyone. Wow what a week this one has been for me. Due to my fathers history of heart attacks I had a scary experience. Luckily it was nothing more then just an anxiety attack. Terrifying but not deadly. Which also explains my cat smiling away as I panicked. Good kitty Bolt.
So for any of you have gone through these attacks as well don't feel afraid or alone. Anxiety and panic attacks feel very real and can cause a lot of trouble. What's frustrating I don't have the one tool that always destroyed my anxiety. My Xbox 360, which fell to the bounds of the red ring of death. CURSE YOU MICROSOFT!!!!
Playing video games was always my way of relaxing and just escaping from reality for a bit. They also where the only products that built me up in hope and happiness. Yes, some people might say do yoga ( I teach it) or go to a church (I'm a Mormon). But those aren't very effective and I've learned for different people certain things really help.
I love dancing, I even include Pole Dancing as relaxation for me. Of course many associate it with stripping, I'll save that for my husband. ;) But there are things that remove anxiety for me better then other things have for other people. That includes the medications, I'm just very different.
Yet I'm just like someone else out there. I'm hoping to sell several of my polymer creations soon, and to do more on YouTube. But in the end I am always nervous about that, my mind always asks can I do this can I do that? I've been invited to enter competitions, but I'd have to pay to get there. I've been given the chance to travel and do more, but I don't have the money. Such a suffocating concept of money. If you don't have enough you better be ready for pain, a lot of pain.
And no offense but yes money does mean happiness. I kind of learned why capitalist life style is actually a good thing. You see whenever you have an abundance in money you can help anyone without getting hurt. You can stop worrying over bills and other expenses that appear out of the blue. But how do we get to that point, well I'm still learning I know you need to convince people to buy your products, like your videos, share your info, and you just need people to support you in everything. That can be easier said then done.
But I guess that's why it all comes back down to what you are willing to risk. I risk being put down every day and I'm ok with that, BRING ON THE HATE!!! But anything else not so much. We'll all have struggles and each one will be tailored and unique for just us. In the end are you going to give up and be taken care of or are you going to take care of yourself in your dream car and home?
KEEP BELIEVING!!!!!!!!! 



Hey guys I've posted below a link to one of my own Zazzle creations. They're a pair of hands that have been x-rayed. I drew this picture on ratemydrawings.com. If you like it you should buy one, you know just saying. :)
 

Skeleton Hands Tee Shirts by REa11y
Make your own custom photo tee shirts at zazzle.com

Let me begin to destroy your limited views.

What an interesting world we live in.We basically are pulled around. We're taught and confused into believing things that just aren't true. We are told don't question what the media tells you is truth. Don't be different in your thinking.
Recently within my own family they don't believe that one can work or do what they want to do. It is basically a belief that you can only be successful in working hard at job you hate. I'm not like that at all, I believe in being able to do the job you love and not just what you need to make money.
I've realized that I needed to remove my limited thinking. I discovered that even those in my church are limited. That no one seems to even question things anymore. They just sit there and except it and just go on their merry little way.
What would you do if you could live the life you wanted doing the job you wanted? You'd probably be very happy, but I bet you've been told you can't without doing something to earn money. I guess I'm very strange because I think it's important you break the limits that are put on you in life. 
Either way I've decided to do more of what I want and less of what I'm told I should do. It's not as if I sit here wishing to hurt others. But that I'm gonna need to move on. Some big changes are gonna have to come soon, not sure how soon but soon.
KEEP BELIEVING!!!!!!!

The Pride That Is Consuming Our World

This is all so crazy. I've begun to just want to go find a little plot of land not inhabited and just live there. I've begun to see something that is horrible that is destroying our world slowly but very effectively. It is Pride.
Pride is something we all have. At some point or another we start to build ourselves up and start to think we can force others to believe what we believe. Pride is when you seek to hurt others for your own gain. Pride is what causes murder, prostitution, sex trafficking, discrimination, war, and the most destructive emotion ever Hate.
But why is it so pervasive now a days? Why has terrorism become such a big deal to the point no one wants to go to Sochi, Russia for the Olympics? Why are atheists fighting so hard against religion in a time where they are not killed for their beliefs?
We have all sunk into that pit of Pride. No one seems to reach out a hand and pull people up loving them for them and not what they believe or even do. The NSA claims to help, but it doesn't it pridefully steals your information and then when you need it they claim it's for your privacy.
Police beginning to use their powers in the worst way possible killing our protection. Government more concerned about not being debt to a point that they stay under a communist countries rule. And a communist country that removes all it's people's rights to even see the sun. Have you not started to want to make a change?
My readers not of my country don't you want us all to unite as a world? Shouldn't we end being separated but become one become a world of love and care, helping each other out despite what we think or believe? Shouldn't we all be standing and calling for love not pride?
I feel we need to stand up for each other. To stand up for the ones who aren't like us, who don't think like us. It is our duty as humans to be the superheroes who fight for the ones being looked down on. It is also our role to love everyone perfectly.
I am reminded of my ex from last year. But now when I see him I look at him with hope that he has changed much of what he did in his previous years. I don't get super involved but I treat him as a normal human.
Our state is to bring joy into others lives and to help build them up. We are all meant to be the peace makers and the ones who draw in love. I fear unless if most of us do that this world is doomed. If you didn't know well every country has nuclear weapons, meaning it only takes one missile and we will all die from a nuclear war. Which feels like it would happen much sooner then any of us would like.
I don't agree with every country but I stand up for them when it comes to it. I don't know every single person in that country and that's why I can't judge nor hater them. I hope that Pride can be destroyed otherwise we'll watch our world be destroyed in front of our very eyes.
KEEP BELIEVING!!!!! And DOING!!!!!!!!