I'm more then what Porn says I am.

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So this is in advance but I have to bring it up since it's become such a big issue for me right now. There are two guys whom I know are going to be very mad they will probably text or FB message me in anger but whatever.

PORNOGRAPHY!

Yes that big word where every guy gets to have his dream come true. LIES! What does pornography bring for you?? Just that small moment of pleasure, where you can do whatever you want despite knowing that all of it would really hurt someone?

Let me start off saying I condemn porn. I hate it and it's addictive draw.

I will not lie, I once was addicted to watching porn. I've finally have gotten over it and realized what I really want in my life. I want to have a loving husband, someone who when we have our first he is only thinking of me and how to please me and make me feel true joy with him. I'd want to wake up to him smiling with our hair all messed up but not caring because we loved what we had that night.

I don't want anything weird. I just want normal, dare I say it? Sex. I want a man who wants to get married who wishes for that sweet moment to see me in white and knowing that night that he'd be able to finally see all of me and what I have to offer him in full.

But who wants to be tied down right? Being committed to one person, that requires too much work. Why would anyone want to be able to know that everyday they'd come home the one they loved would be there to embrace them and love them? Yeah such a crazy thought.

All we want now a days is just the sex that's it. NOTHING MORE! And I say this because of what I've had to deal with this past year. I finally think that maybe one guy would want to get more serious. Then a flood of guys just wanting me for the sex message me. Why do they think they could get me? 

If marriage was even an option than maybe. And no one has to tell me, I know that Batman has slept with many women before marriage but his happiest moment was when he married Catwoman. He began to wonder why he had done what he had before.

So what are you thinking?? Do you just want the sex so you can get the pleasure you claim you "need." OR  do you want someone who can finally love you all the time?

Now understand I get that marriage isn't perfect, but here is the big thing. When you do get married if you're committed to that person then the hardest things will be easier. Because you'll strive so hard to keep that person with you.

I want to be married, I don't want just the sex. Sex is something I desire just like anybody else but I don't want it alone. I want to see my husband smile as I made his favorite dish for dinner. I'd want him to come home and see a hot tub pulled for him and his favorite show put on the DVR ready for him to start. I'd want my husband to smile as we have our first child. His face when our kid finally goes to school for the first time.

I could go on and on about what I want to enjoy with my future husband. But in the end it will take a guy who isn't afraid of commitment. Who also wants to have a wife who does what he dreams of . I'm working on my patience but if I have more guys tell me how great I'd be in bed I feel I might break. I won't deny that knowing that I'm physically that attractive is nice but in the end my heart hurts. Because is that what all the guys I know think? Can I not show that there is more to me? Who knows. But I'm moving on.

Tonight is New Years Eve I will be spending it playing video games with my guy friends. I hope that 2013 is amazing for you.

KEEP BELIEVING!!!!!

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Hi world.

So today another job bit the dust. I saw it coming and yet I didn't feel so sad when I lost it. I knew it was coming and so my heart was prepared and could handle the being let go. Now it's back to square one struggling to make ends meet but all in all I'm happy.

Things are going well with that guy again. I'm going to keep a strong line of communication between the two of us and I think we will be fine. But yeah. 

So anyways it's short but tomorrow there will be more. Enjoy the awesome Batman ornaments. :)

KEEP BELIEVING!!!

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So what have you been up to??

Me just barely holding onto my job and working on this whole keeping a relationship thing. Both are fairly hard to keep but I'm very grateful that things are at least ok for now. Do you ever just look and wonder where am I going??

Well you are like the Flash then. Batman thinks the same but the Flash envelopes that the most. He works hard to always stay up beat and positive. Namely because he sees how quickly life goes by. 

Many times we get caught up in being able to do things the way the world says and not do things the way we need it to.

The Flash who was first introduced before WWII, always aimed for whom he loved and for what he felt was good and right. The Flash always makes the funniest jokes I ever hear and he just makes me smile. Plus all that he sees and feels is very important to me. View more of the Flash and get to know this historic and great superhero. :)

KEEP BELIEVING!!!

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I'm going to end up doing a short post because well I had to miss work. You see it snowed here in NV but of course now most of that snow is gone. But that doesn't matter nor help when I was trying to get to work on time.
My car was buried under snow and I had no ice scraper. So I was trying to get it cleared so I could drive. Welp, didn't happen I just had to stay home. So I was left in my own thoughts, and decided to just send a text to the guy I had talked about. And he surprised me.
In the text I said that we needed to talk, that I was hurting from him not getting in touch with me at all. And all though I knew about his job and family I was just hoping for a little something like. I will call you on Wednesday or Friday. But he sent me nothing.
So after I sent that he began to worry and sent me a text explaining why he never got back. But for me I still needed to talk to him. Because I HAVE to know if he wants to keep me or if he wants someone else. And if he wants me then I will be ok, but if he wants someone else it will help me to know that I can let go of my feelings towards him.
Darn he shouldn't have said what he did. At first I was ok with him wanting to date other girls but I then I noticed something. I had said how I was falling in love with him. The problem wasn't I was falling in love, I already was in love with him. You see he had shown me alot about himself there is still so much more that I don't know but want to know. Everything he has shown me has made me more determined to want to date him.
I thought about Batgirl and Robin. Now if you don't know their story then it will be a little confusing. First off their stories are different in each comic and show, but in all they fall in love at least once.
Barbara who reveals that she is Batgirl to Dick Grayson. Who of course blows up at the discovery worrying about her getting hurt. But she tells him why she is doing it. And they discover how they can come to each other for comfort.
But they rarely talk and that just ruins their relationship. Talking is such a huge part of a successful relationship if you can't talk to each and be honest about your feelings then what are you suppose to do? You need to be able to do so. 
So keep your fingers crossed that things will work out for the two of us. I love the guy after all. Hope you have a great week. :D
KEEP BELIEVING!!!!

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Ho Ho Ho, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

So this year me and my family had Christmas early. Today I have enjoyed The Nutcracker Prince, Justice League Christmas Special, Batman Christmas Special. And still many more movies I want to enjoy here soon.

This is very short just because I want you to enjoy your Christmas with family but here is the special Batman Christmas all parts. Enjoy.

KEEP BELIEVING!!!!

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Have you felt like things were going well and then everything bad happens? This seems to happen on a regular basis for me. Right it's all about the guy I was dating. I've determined he has broken up with me without saying anything. Now why do I think that? Well in my previous posts I wrote about how I was thinking how he might be feeling that if he's with me he'll be tempted all the time. Again when this happens it makes me want to have some sort of surgery so I am not tempting anymore, or just have no respect for myself and sell myself.

And how he said he wanted to take things slow and date other girls, WHILE dating me. I was ok with that and it didn't bug me. Now I have tried to get in touch with him and he hasn't bothered. When I send him a text or a call he doesn't respond. I left him a recent message just stating for him to get in touch with me and let me know that he's chosen to not date me anymore rather then leaving me in the dark with such a sore and broken heart.

Darn it all I just am so mad. He was the first guy I was starting to fall in love with and he just, he kissed me with such love and passion. When I gave him my Christmas present which were two homemade Superman scarves he just had such a warm and loving smile and his hug and kiss just made me feel so loved.

Now I don't even matter and he has moved on. The worst part? I can't find my Xbox 360 controller and TV cable hook-ups. Man could I really use some Batman, but I can't. OF COURSE NOT!!!!

Sorry I need to vent. I mean how does this guy think I am suppose to feel with him not even TRYING to get in touch with me? He made me feel like he loved me and now...now it's all fake and a lie. I hate my heart I mean why did it have to choose this guy? Why him? It was because he treated me like he wanted me  to be his something more.

I was reading one of my old Manga's called Fushigi Yuugi. In the first volume Miaka the main character yells at Tamahome after getting to know him for two months, "CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I'M FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU!?" Tamahome doesn't look at her before saying, "I'm sorry but I don't feel the same way." Despite the fact that he saved her life, he always is there to protect her and keep her safe, he hugged her when she was crying, he did everything that a man in love would do. Yet he doesn't love her.

Guys first rule, DO NOT EVER treat a girl like you love her unless you do.

GIRLS!! I know that many of you find the bad boys to be sexy, but they are not. Look at your closest guy friends and ask them out. If they say no, then move on to the next guy. I know how hard it is to know when a good guy friend is someone who is interested or not.

So anyways I'm back in the single scene. Well that's no problem just gonna call up my guy friends to come over with their Xbox 360's and games, maybe play some Red Dead Redemption, or some Mass Effect 3 multi-player. Either way I'm gonna do what I was best at being single, being a great girl who my guy friends love being around. So I'm just going to.....

KEEP BELIEVING!!!!!

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To Whomever Has Survived

Dear Survivor,
YOU are one of the few lucky ones. The world has been destroyed. Every evil want and desire has been consumed in the ravage fires, now it is the few of clean and pure hearts who are climbing forward. You were saved for one special reason, YOU KNOW THE IMPORTANCE OF LIFE! YOU ARE TRULY HAPPY! Now as the year 2013 starts you are going to need to work hard to keep it from being like this year of 2012. Do you think you can handle this great challenge?
I do. In fact I will start you off on your great challenge to change the world forever with it's destruction on this date 12/21/2012. To those other survivors go and give them a hug. Greet them all with kindness and a smile that is genuine. When you use your technologies, that survived the destruction, be sure that those NEVER come before another survivor. While eating leave the phone far from you, only answer when another survivor is in serious need of your help. When driving NEVER get angry, resolve to always laugh at what the other survivor driving does rather then getting enraged at them for what they do. When you see the one you love, let them know, always give them a kiss, a hug, a loving word.
Work hard to keep these going, it may not last in fact I can guarantee to you that the other survivors will forget helping others and only think of their own well being. Step up and be the one survivor who will NEVER forget others no matter what. 
Don't get absorbed in thinking of only yourself think of others always and forever. Love one another, because you have been given much.
My dear fellow survivors, the world has ended, and now we must choose to otherwise stand up and make it better or to let that world we said goodbye to return. Never think of just yourself always think of others.
From a survivor who will commit,
Larsen Donelle
P.S. I know you can do this!!! KEEP BELIEVING!!!!

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So......yeah. Ok let's just talk. So I know that I'm not fast in my job. To be honest I'm not fast period. I'm slow and I like to enjoy myself before I try to pursue anything. But this job requires speed and I don't have it, despite me being kind and giving good quality, I'm still one step behind. Losing this job in the future is almost a positive.

Now I'm also struggling to figure out the guy whom I've been dating, feelings for me. Does he even like me? Am I of interest to him anymore?? If not then why did he kiss me with such love? Why was it that when he smiled at me I felt such warmth? Why is it that right now I just seem to not fit what anyone wants???

I'm not good enough for my job and just no matter how much I push myself I'm just not fast enough. And with the guy I'm dating I just can't seem to fit what he wants (maybe?)

So then why is it that I just turn to the Batman and Justice League? Because the make me so very happy. I may lose my job and may just creep the guy I'm dating out. But I'm just me. I just want to do the best I can and be the type of person who forever helps others to be the best they can.

I'm just me. Who else am I suppose to be? Aside from Batman. ;)

KEEP BELIEVING!!!!!!

Have you seen the above video?? Neither did I until recently. You see I'm struggling with emotions and just trying to learn more of what I should do in a relationship. I've never had a very stable relationship. And my mother can't give me great advice since her first marriage ended in a divorce, and her second marriage was death.
I hope to learn more but I have no idea if I will or won't. You see I keep on stepping forward hoping that the guy I like will continue to like me but I know that if he were to fall for someone else I would let him go.
But darn it all I just want to have a great relationship once. I will see if us talking will change anything. But hey who knows maybe it won't. Anyways how are you guys? Have you started to make goals for the year 2013??
I have my goals is to make sure I help others more often. Then I lend a helping hand every chance, that I clean up any trash that I say no matter what. That I just can be a good example for others so the circle of love can go on forever. :)
Make goals now and determine to do them. :D
KEEP BELIEVING!!!!!

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Hey world how is life going?

Life is going ok for me. Aside from a small sinus problem. But I'm doing ok. Why ok? I just thought about the guy whom I'm dating.

Did you know the biggest fear for many is falling in love and getting married? Want to know why? It's because of the highest divorce rate and births that happen out of wed-lock. 

Now I find it very amazing when people are able to get over their fears of love and marriage.

Now am I saying this guy is afraid of that? No cause I haven't asked but I have had many friends who fear marriage and love though. 

So this is for you who are afraid. I haven't had a broken heart because I haven't fallen in love with anyone yet. Starting to with this guy whether he knows it or not.

But I know one thing fear stops many from wanting to follow their dreams. For me marriage is very easy and tons of fun. But getting my book published and getting it onto the Top 10 Best Sellers, terrifies me. Why? Well because my books are very precious to me and if they weren't to do well I would cry.

In the end I hope that I can get over this fear completely. I just hope that when I talk to the guy it will be a very simple answer and just him working out his feelings for me is all. I just hope that because I really like him. Sigh, anyways, hopefully it will be a wonderful time and Christmas. So have a great week you guys.

KEEP BELIEVING!!!!

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Hello Blog World!!! And welcome to another blog about.....*drumrolllllllllll*......RELATIONSHIPS!!!!!! Ta-Da!!!! :D

Relationships are so frustrating sometimes. Like my old relationship with the Aussie, man I couldn't get those stupid rose colored glasses off from my eyes around him. 

But I couldn't. And now I'm dating this guy whom I never have rose colored glasses on around. I see him for who he is and my whole being trusts him when he tells me to trust him.

So last night he explained how he wanted to date other girls while dating me. I was ok with that feeling that he should get to know other girls and not just me. Well he suggested I date other guys which yeah....Ain't gonna happen. Why? Well first off guys asking me out NEVER happens. That's why when he first asked me out I was stunned. It had been 2 or more years since my last date. Wow a really long time, and he was a guy I was crushing on big time.

And the other reason, well he's just someone very special to me. When I see him I smile and just feel so glad to see him.

So then why is it that I'm letting him date other girls? Well two reasons. First if he truly doesn't want to become something more with me, he then can find the girl whom he does want to become that way with. Would my heart hurt like H-E-Double hockey sticks?? Yes, yes it would. But if he was truly happier with that other girl over me I would let him go.

It would kind of be like this.

Guy: "I really enjoyed being with you. But I found someone who has completed me. It's not you, it's me."

Me: "I-i...understand." *kisses guys cheek with tears in my eyes* "bye..."

Yeah something like that.

The other reason is that maybe I am the type of girl he would want to get more serious with. And his dating all the different girls will show him all the great things about me. Like that when I cry it's over something serious and real and not just me being on my time of the month.

Or the fact that when it comes to kids I'm super patient and make the boring things super fun for them. Or the fact that I am just Donelle who is a crazy girl. :)

Either way I feel it is ok. But I won't deny my nervousness about the whole idea. I mean darn, I'm falling for this guy, like legit falling in love with him.

In the end he doesn't know that yet. Well if he reads this now he knows, but hey dude if you are I'm not in love with you yet. Just falling for you right now.

He sometimes put himself down as being a weak man and I always just want to let him know that he isn't that weak.

I wish that he would know that a strong man is the guy who doesn't fully push someone into doing something that they don't want too. Yeah he is one of those. He respects me and when he looks at me I can tell.

Relationships are hard and I wish that I could say yes I know the answers to all relationship problems. But I don't and I'm slowly learning more about a real relationship. I have hope is all. 

KEEP BELIEVING!!!!!!!

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So today me and my girlfriends are going Christmas shopping. I'm pretty excited and happy because I'm going to get presents for my family and for the guy I'm dating. I wish I had more money cause then I could get some really nice gifts but oh well.

I'm making this short and sweet but I'm super excited for the movie The Man of Steel. :) Superman is awesome!! :D

Don't let go or give up. You are pretty super. :D

KEEP BELIEVING!!!!!

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Editor's Note: Please understand that I know that he won't. I voice my concern to help other girls in my shoes. I know that he cares about me so he wouldn't break up with me over that. I just thought about it and wrote it.
So there is just a lot going on the world right now. To begin with people have become a whole lot more lazy and don't want to work for themselves. And then there are those who are so desperate that they will give up everything that is important just to make more money then the rest.

So which are you?

For me I'm a hard worker but I work hard to not let it control who and what is important in my life. I always put friends and family first. But then again I have been stuck in a mud hole wanting to move forward but feeling stuck.

I have the kind of body that most people find to be a very sexual body. I have a perfect hourglass, large chest and just a very nicely proportioned body. But this body sometimes makes me want to go and have surgery just so that I can look like a plain Jane. Why? Well last night I struggled with myself feeling that the guy whom I'm falling for might be feeling too tempted by my body. That scared me, a lot. You see this guy is a good Mormon. He goes to the temple and works to stay worthy. But I'm always worried that my body will tempt him or that I will do something that will be tempting with out knowing it.

I have had guys break up with me saying, "Your body just is too tempting for me. You make me want to sin all the time." I feel like I'm dragging down these men and making them feel like dogs just because of my body. I live in Nevada and when I go into Casino's many managers want to hire me to be a cocktail waitress. I, sigh, I just want a normal body and know what would be non-tempting moves.

Now girls how many of you want to trade spots? Yeah I won't deny the fact that many guys look me over, but I hate it. I also won't deny that I could sell my body for sex and make a killing. But I don't like any of those. I remember why I wore a baggy shirt and pants just so that no one could see my body.

I was always being given sexual taunts while growing up because I developed faster then most girls. I just learned to hate my body. But this guy he makes me feel like my body is beautiful. But then I worry am I tempting him? I know that maybe I shouldn't but what if he were to feel like I was tempting him too much that he just wanted to break up with me? I'm sorry I just worry.

Anyways if you read for this long I'm surprised. Lol, I am doing ok I have money for Christmas presents and that makes me very happy. Anyways please remember this one thing, none of us will ever be equal. Crying for equality is in vain, but crying for everyone to be on common ground isn't.

KEEP BELIEVING!!!!

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Hey everyone. Wow sorry for the really really long wait. So a TON of things have happened since I last made my post. Speaking of that post there is a story to tell you all about it.

But for now other news.

So I moved in with my sisters. I couldn't get money for my rent and had to move. Well that was really hard especially since I got a job on the very day I needed to move out. Yay a job but boo to my roommates kicking me out a lot sooner then I wanted. But to be honest I didn't want to deal with them. They wouldn't talk to me or anything. It was just super awkward and the cat I was fostering was always trapped in my room.

So there you go. Where do I work? I'm a house keeper now and I really enjoy it. It's a very hard job but I really enjoy it. The people whom we clean houses for a usually all very friendly. And they tip. :)

So anyways back to my last post.

So I posted pictures of me an some others who dressed in Batman theme. Me as the Penguin. Anyways on that night I talked to Freddy Kruger (Brett) and that was what we did all night. After when I needed to leave he asked me out. I said yes. Well we have been dating ever since. This guy just intrigues me. He's my best friend but I really am starting to fall in love with him.

Please don't tell him though I want it to be secret for the time being. He just makes me think about things more. He is the shoulder that I've always needed to be able to cry on. He is very gentle and respectful. I just like him. A lot. 

But he may never know until we keep on dating and he is the first to tell me that he loves me. Then I will let him know how much I love him too. :)

Anyways that's my life right now. LOL

I hope you all have a great Christmas (OR whatever you celebrate or do this time of year) I know I will. See you soon. :D

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