Music Is My Love

Music Is My Love
from my ratemydrawings.com collection

Monday, December 31, 2012

I'm more then what Porn says I am.

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So this is in advance but I have to bring it up since it's become such a big issue for me right now. There are two guys whom I know are going to be very mad they will probably text or FB message me in anger but whatever.
PORNOGRAPHY!
Yes that big word where every guy gets to have his dream come true. LIES! What does pornography bring for you?? Just that small moment of pleasure, where you can do whatever you want despite knowing that all of it would really hurt someone?
Let me start off saying I condemn porn. I hate it and it's addictive draw.
I will not lie, I once was addicted to watching porn. I've finally have gotten over it and realized what I really want in my life. I want to have a loving husband, someone who when we have our first he is only thinking of me and how to please me and make me feel true joy with him. I'd want to wake up to him smiling with our hair all messed up but not caring because we loved what we had that night.
I don't want anything weird. I just want normal, dare I say it? Sex. I want a man who wants to get married who wishes for that sweet moment to see me in white and knowing that night that he'd be able to finally see all of me and what I have to offer him in full.
But who wants to be tied down right? Being committed to one person, that requires too much work. Why would anyone want to be able to know that everyday they'd come home the one they loved would be there to embrace them and love them? Yeah such a crazy thought.
All we want now a days is just the sex that's it. NOTHING MORE! And I say this because of what I've had to deal with this past year. I finally think that maybe one guy would want to get more serious. Then a flood of guys just wanting me for the sex message me. Why do they think they could get me? 
If marriage was even an option than maybe. And no one has to tell me, I know that Batman has slept with many women before marriage but his happiest moment was when he married Catwoman. He began to wonder why he had done what he had before.
So what are you thinking?? Do you just want the sex so you can get the pleasure you claim you "need." OR  do you want someone who can finally love you all the time?
Now understand I get that marriage isn't perfect, but here is the big thing. When you do get married if you're committed to that person then the hardest things will be easier. Because you'll strive so hard to keep that person with you.
I want to be married, I don't want just the sex. Sex is something I desire just like anybody else but I don't want it alone. I want to see my husband smile as I made his favorite dish for dinner. I'd want him to come home and see a hot tub pulled for him and his favorite show put on the DVR ready for him to start. I'd want my husband to smile as we have our first child. His face when our kid finally goes to school for the first time.
I could go on and on about what I want to enjoy with my future husband. But in the end it will take a guy who isn't afraid of commitment. Who also wants to have a wife who does what he dreams of . I'm working on my patience but if I have more guys tell me how great I'd be in bed I feel I might break. I won't deny that knowing that I'm physically that attractive is nice but in the end my heart hurts. Because is that what all the guys I know think? Can I not show that there is more to me? Who knows. But I'm moving on.
Tonight is New Years Eve I will be spending it playing video games with my guy friends. I hope that 2013 is amazing for you.
KEEP BELIEVING!!!!!


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